I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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