I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
