I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
