I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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