I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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