i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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