Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
