What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
