I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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