i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
