You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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