I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
