I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
