Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
