3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
