Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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