Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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