my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
