we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize