When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
