You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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