Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
