i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
