i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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