I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
