I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
