we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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