He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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