what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
