My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize