I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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