she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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