let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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