We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
