3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
