When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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