do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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