I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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