my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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