dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
