Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
