gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
