Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
