she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
