just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
COCAINE IS GR8
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
