textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
