Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
