me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
