Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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