Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
