I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
