I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
