I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
