I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
