did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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