u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
