Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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