Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
