She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
