He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
