Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
