Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize