I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize