not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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