he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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